A birthday post three days too late.

Dear Friend,

I got over 1000 views recently! I can't quite believe it. But I did. And that's exciting news and therefore I decided to write this. I haven't been posting lately because I've been very busy. I'm sorry if you're sorry. If you couldn't care less, then yay it doesn't matter, then! :) But this post is going to be special and long not only because of the 1000+ views and the absence, but also because... *drumroll* *wait never mind don't* It’s my birthday. I don’t feel any different. But now, I’m officially a teenager. I don’t think that’s something that should be celebrated, but if I get presents, then who am I to complain? Haha. I’m adjusting to Indonesian life. With every day, I get less sad. I’m not going to say happier because though I smile and stuff I still don’t feel much joy. However I do love my schoolmates. This is how I’d describe them; my juniors/7^th graders: really nice and good conversationalists. Fellow 8^th graders: slightly girly and ‘weird’ (in a good way!!!!) that is different from my ‘weird’. Does that make sense? No? Okay. They’re slightly shallow, but not mean. Kind of gossipy. But really nice and I would be lying if I said I don't like them because they're fun. My seniors/9^th graders: uber cool people. They talk about anything. Reminds me of my Singapore friends, really.

One of my seniors is a Beatles fan. Big Beatles fan. She’s the coolest. Haha that sounds so lame. But she is. Her mum used to sing Hey Jude to her when she was 5. I think that’s an awesome thing for a mum to do. The family’s into all the old and vintage bands. Which is great. And once I get my guitar, which is in two weeks, we’re gunna jam to The Beatles. And Ed Sheeran. And One Direction. Yes, she’s a Beatles fan but she also is a Directioner. And likes Ed Sheeran. I never thought I’d actually meet Indonesians who get my music taste even more than my Singapore friends. But I did. And that’s indescribably amazing. 

I got a lot of nice presents. I'd post pictures but I don't feel like it and it's too troublesome. So I'll just describe them. On second thoughts, that's even more troublesome. Never mind. So... I'm supposed to get a guitar. My very first. And I'd thought I was going to get it today, but apparently I'll have to wait till the end of next week to get it, after the exams. Yes, you read right. My birthday is on an actual exam day. It sucks but at the same time it's okay because everyone keeps going up to me and wishing me a happy birthday. My twitter mentions were blowing up and I feel so loved. I am kind of sad though, because some of the most important people in my life didn't remember. But honestly, who am I to complain? I myself have the memory span of a goldfish. Still sad though. Oh, and as predicted, I ended up crying. I wasn't crying over how some people didn't wish me happy birthday, that's ridiculous. 

I was crying because people do not understand me, most of all my parents. Get this; my mum thinks me wanting to sing all the time as my job is just a passing phase. Once she said that, I put on my favourite song, Boston by Augustana, and I cried and cried. That was in the car. I cried quietly. You might think it's pathetic but the thing is, I know for sure that singing is my biggest passion and I really really want to make it as a professional artiste. Then, at about 9pm, I started crying again. That time a full-out emotional breakdown. I crouched on the bed and wailed. You might know I'm a directioner, a fan of One Direction (please don't judge). And like I said before, singing and music is my everything. Not to mention songwriting, which is why I want my guitar. Anyway, you might know about the Bring Me To 1D contest? Otherwise known as the Go1Den Ticket contest? It's when directioners worldwide can compete and one from each selected country can go to NYC, spend a day with the boys of One Direction, and watch them at Madison Square Garden. 4th December being one of the days spent there. Which is my birthday. You have absolutely no idea how much I wanted that. Madison Square Garden. Is the place of my biggest dreams. To be able to be inside MSG would be more than a dream come true. Anyway, I couldn't even try out. I have an Indonesian passport, but I was in Singapore and when I actually came back to Indonesia, the contest was almost over. So that contributed to the big emotional breakdown. That breakdown lasted for one and a half hours. And that's not a lie. Mum told me. I was also sobbing because my happy childhood memories, times when my parents were mad at me and all sorts of past happy and sad memories came rushing at me and to top it all off, Ed Sheeran and Augustana and soulful artistes were playing on my CD player, so that got the waterworks going.

Boston

Sunburn

But enough with all this sad talk. I forgot to mention the presents. I will be getting that guitar, but now what I already got are; 

• a pair of orange jeggings from Uniqlo (they're really cute)
• a shirt that says "Love Me Or Leave Me In London" which I thought was perfect and matched the jeggings
• skeleton band aids that I will never use because they are way too cute to waste on cuts and bruises.
• a cute slouchy bag with "positive" words all over it
• a purple kind of boring diary but thanks :)
• a really really good book: "Between The Lines" by Jodi Picoult and (her 15 year old daughter!) Samantha Van Leer
• aaannndddd... that's about it. Oh, and some empe empe when grocery shopping. I don't know how to spell but it's an Indonesian snack that's yummy and (you guessed it) unhealthy. I'm always either eating super healthy wholemeal stuff, or gorging on oily fatty food. Never mind. Live Eat while I'm young. Before all the calories start kicking in. And yes we went grocery shopping on my birthday.
• I got some Haagen Dazs too though. Vanilla. They didn't have Ben&Jerry's, so Haagen Dazs. 

Birthdays are very emotional. But not so eventful. As we get older, the less birthdays seem to matter to everybody. I find that very sad. Birthdays should be the one day when everyone just forget everything and spend the day being happy with their favourite people at their favourite location. I had to cross that out because I can't do that. Not until I get enough money to go to England. Anyway. I remember when I turned 3 years old, all my relatives came and we had a simple party with a cake, lots of candles, and lots of children. It was fun because I was very close to my relatives and when they were there to celebrate my birthday, I was happy. The other kids blew out the candles with me, opened the presents for me, blew those party trumpet thingies in the babies' faces, and lots of other fun stuff that I wish I could still do. I have the photos of that memorable day tucked between the pages of my notebook. 

Oh and just a little bit more to say. My crush wished me a happy birthday and sent me a virtual wink. That's a really good thing in case you were wondering. I'm just not going to bring attention to this part of this post in case someone who shouldn't read this reads this. But yes that got me over the moon. The joys of being a teenager. Sigh. 

I know this post was pretty long, and I know it's sooooo long overdue but I get home at 6/7pm everyday from school, and it's the exams. My days are busy enough. It took two days to write this post. Sad huh. Some parts are written in present tense, because I actually wrote those parts on December 4 2012, but the other parts were written on December 5th. So technically, English-wise, grammar-wise, this is a rubbish post. But thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you guys so much for getting me over 1000 views! I'm quite happy. I'm overusing the word "happy" aren't I. Yes, I am. Never mind. It's just big news, you see. 1000+ views!!! :'D Made my birthday better, it did. Yoda talk yay. 

And now I shall end this long post with my signature sign-off that I ripped off my favourite book. 

Love always,

Tia xxx

P.S. If you're from Singapore and you're a friend of mine, hi. I miss you. And hi again, you probably were one of those who forgot about my birthday but hey it's okay. Just forget it. But it would be greatly appreciated if you were to comment a 'happy birthday' below. ;) *suggestion*

P.P.S. If you're from my current school and you're reading this, WOW you stuck out the horrible English that you probably didn't understand till the end! I'm starting to love all of you. Oh, and I'm going to fail BI. Shout out to Atika, Rumi, and Kalam for not complaining for having me in their group because I suck at BI and you should be complaining but you're not so thanks. Love all you #eightafros. Oh wow. A hashtag on Blogger. So lame. But yes, thanks for welcoming me as the 'new student'. xx

Here's a song that I can really relate to. I don't know how I went from being a crazy, loud chatterbox to being an introverted wallflower but I did.

First day of school in Indonesia.

Dear Friend,

It was my first day at 'the school' today. 1 being terrible, 10 being very awesome, I'd rate it a 6. My classmates are nice in general. Nice people. They didn't bother to get to know me and stuff but whatever. I don't really get their music taste, and I don't know them well enough to have my opinions, so I'm not going to say anything. However they are pretty nice. In the general meaning of the word 'nice'. I don't fit. Then again I don't really fit anywhere. I suppose I'm contradicting myself now.

Today was Class Decorating Day. I think this happens every half term? I'm not sure. But anyway, today, from around 10am to 4pm, we didn't study at all! We decorated the class, as you have probably guessed. Hehe. My class is 8afro. Cool name, huh? I know. I love afros, so it's all fine and dandy for me. :) The teachers are such nice people! They interact with the students and treat us like friends/children haha.

I have to go now... Proper schooling tomorrow and I have to sleep. Maybe I'll write another post this weekend, update on my social status and such. That sounds so stuck up eugh. But you know what I mean. I'm wishing myself luck. Maybe I'll wear my four leaf clover ring tomorrow. Hehe I will. All the worst subjects tomorrow, excluding IT! Oh gosh. I'll listen to The Fray again now, for moral support. Oh and I wanted to tell you, in the car on the way home from school, I was listening to Home Is In Your Eyes by Greyson Chance and I cried. I miss everything good and I haven't been happy for a long time. I hope I'm not depressed. At least I don't self harm. I hope to never self harm. Another thing I want to tell you, I can't go to The Fray's concert tomorrow and I'm really very sad about that. If anything, I wanted them to be my first concert. I teared up again 'cause of that. I'm such a crybaby. I really do love them though. They're one of the best of alternative rock. I love alternative rock. I really have to go now.

Love always,
Tia xxx

Here's a song by The Fray from their newest album. I love this song so much. When people aren't reliable, rely on music. When music isn't reliable, rely on God.

1/11/2012

Dear Friend,

Well. I should think I'm getting quite addicted to Blogger. Which sounds extremely lame. But you can't expect 'cool' to come from a lamo. You might wondering why it is that I'm writing right now, because yesterday I said school starts today. Well, the school (I'm gunna keep referring to it as "the school" for select reasons) called Papa at work and told  him I'll only start next week Monday. So here I am.

Today, I finished reading an amazing sequel to an amazing classic. Mum bought it for me. Wishing For Tomorrow, it's called. A sequel to A Little Princess. You know, that amazing classic by Frances Hodgson Burnett. Wishing For Tomorrow is by Hilary McKay,  but it lives up to the original classic. It's so amazing, you have to check it out. What I love the most about this sequel is that it makes me change and rethink how I feel towards the characters. I actually love Lavinia, Jessie, and Miss Minchin now. However, I dislike Gertrude with a bigger passion. I think of Sara a little bit bit differently (still love her though), and I really love Ermengarde.

A Little Princess is a book close to my soul. And heart. A couple years ago, my grandpa (from Mama's side) gave me this book. Back then, I had only started getting into English books, and was at the Geronimo Stilton stage. Not Beautiful Classics stage. So I didn't read it. Until after he died. He was the greatest grandpa ever. He doted on me, I was the only girl in the extended family. Gave presents that I loved as a little girl. Just holding this book makes me feel close to him. Whenever I'm sad, I read this, and I feel better in a way. The story of a queer girl named Sara Crewe. I can relate to her, and sometimes I'd imitate her when she's all "princessy". I just love Frances for writing this book. It's timeless. I know I'd never be able to produce writing like this, hence my biggest ambition isn't to be an author. I appreciate books, that's it. I do write, you should know if you read my stories on Wattpad; http://www.wattpad.com/user/TiaHanifa. But it could never compare to Frances's, or JK Rowling's, or Roald Dahl's, or Shannon Hale's work. Obviously.

I also got my tooth pulled out at the dentist's today. Call me weird, but I love going to the dentist's. I find it exciting somehow. And they always say my teeth are good. LOL. Mild compliments affect me. I was also sad today. I woke up all sleepy and dreary, and later on in the day, looked through some memoirs and letters and photos of Singapore times. It all feels so far away. I miss them S'pore bruthas. The photograph my bestie Shirmaine gave me is right next to me now. And the box(es) of Singapore stuff on the other side. I really do miss them. I'd look around at my surroundings, or lie on the bed, and be "This isn't Singapore. I'm really not there and I'm not going back." It's so surreal. And not too much in the good way. However, this weekend I'll be with my cousins. They're all boys and they really are my bruthas. Grew up with them, still with them. They influenced me lots. Without them, who knows, I could be a girly, frilly, pink-mouthed, pop-loving bimbo right now. The horror. I'm scared for Monday. I don't want to go to school. On the plus side, I'd be less lonely. Hopefully.

I love you, whoever you are. Goodbye. :)

Love always,
Tia xxx


P.S. I found some new tunes today. Check 'em out. x

Disintegration by Jimmy Eat World

Bloody Mother Fucking Asshole by Martha Wainwright

Wonderful/Crown Of Thorns by Janet Devlin